Andy House Rules

I have not been to a point of making a post regularly in a while. There is a reason for that, I am preparing to leave the hell of Port Huron and am busy packing and preparing for a long trip. There will be no forwarding address, as everyone who will be missed in this place has already been informed of my leaving.

So since my labor in an outward direction is preventing me from deeper thoughts, I have been coming up with less meaningful and less intensive to do post, as my energies are better put some where else

I will be more than likely be posting updates with pictures from the road, but as I have no plan yet other than leaving on the first, I can make no promises.

Now the new post:

It is common for me to post a list of Rules in my home, so that no one can say, “show me where it's written that I can't pet the fish” and yes, I have had that conversation, and she was sober.

So in an attempt to prevent having to have that debate and many others like it, I make and post a list of rules for my home.

Before leaving to gain a new home someplace, I have revised the list of rules to include things that I have had to deal with while living here. Odds are good that this list as it stands, will be posted on a new wall, with in the next few months. Hopefully.

Please enjoy knowing what is not allowed in my home, and I encourage all of you to do likewise, to protect yourself from having to explain that, “not petting the fish is a rule, even if it's not posted”. Cause it is posted in my home.

1. (hidden rule, don't ask, you will be slapped)

2. No stealing

3. No showing up just to get your ass kicked.

4. No smelly fucking hippy's.

5. No underage drinkers.

6. No naked men.

7. No unapproved or illegal chemical use.

8. No new sex with drunk people.

9. No one may spend the night.

10. No Altering the environment without consent.

11. No Conservatives, Republicans, or other Nazi sympathizers.

12. No waiting till some one gets home.

13. No commitment will be considered valid less than an hour after the Andy wakes.

14. No bringing new people with you, all new people must be approved before they are allowed to visit.

15. No flipping switches, pushing buttons or turning knobs that are not your own.

16. No violence.

17. No underage girls.

18. No parking in the fire lane.

19. No duct tape on private parts, that was not funny the first time.

20. No Crying.

21. No asking which rules apply to you. You will be invited to break all of the rules you are allowed to break.

22. No arguments with the cat; the cat outranks you here.

23. No pretending your not pregnant and attempting to fake mate the Andy.

24. No puke.

25. No showing up, fucked up.

26. No being nice to the dog.

27. No senseless cursing.

28. No hints, be blunt. Cursing will be tolerated if making a point.

29. No being ignorant.

30. No asking who SpamhandEl is, if you have not been introduced already, he has no desire to meet you.

31. No confusing afterglow for legitimate romantic feelings, no matter how good the sex was.

32. No self proclaimed artist, musicians or poets.

33. No hanging out.

34. No opening anything that is closed, this includes doors, drawers, cupboards and pants that are not yours.

35. No baby making. (practice baby making will be allowed in some cases)

36. No using that Andy to make another man jealous.

37. No coming over for spiritual guidance, if you are an non-liked person.

38. No using the Andy for oral sex.

39. No petting the fish.

40. No borrowing media of any kind.

41. No Olestra, causes leaks in the Andy.

42. No coming in, if you are wanted in, you will be invited.

43. No getting all bunged up.

44. No stupid people.

45. No taking a nap.

46. No talking during new episodes of The Daily Show,

47. No sipping on the hater-aid when here.

48. No being here without a good reason.

53. No asking what numbers are prime.

Any rule breaking will not be tolerated. Punishments will range from slapping on the bottoms, to kicking of the asses and total expulsion from the Andyland. Dependent on the rules broken, the state of mind of the Andy, and the hotness and freshness of the offender.

If you coyly ask to break a rule, pouted lip and all, you will be laughed at until death, right in your face.

The Andy is exempt from all rules, excluding rule #31, this was written for him specifically.

The SpamhandEl is left to his own discretion to break rules, he made the mother fucking list.

Girlfriends will be allowed special exceptions for most rules, but Girls that are friends have to deal with the strict list.

Rules that land on prime numbers may be broken by no one. At any time. Or for any reason. Breaking these rules may result in death, dismemberment, or a call to the local authorities.